1am Salad

here is a “recipe” written by me at 130am, when I very suddenly needed to make a salad

I have no ratios so I am using vague words to describe everything. Good luck and godspeed.

-> Coated the very bottom of the bowl I used (medium-small metal mixing bowl) with maple syrup.
-> several mountains of olive oil mayonnaise.
-> a smol splash of apple cider vinegar
-> 3-4 skittles of mustard (imagine you are someone who does not like mustard realizing that mustard is the answer and channel that)
-> some spices, which you must feel in your soul: pepper, salt, onion powder, garlic powder.
-> a generous amount of parsley flakes (shaken thru the shaker not dumped or scooped).

-> one (1) bunch of kale, stems removed, sliced.
-> one head of an unknown type of lettuce. leafy, maybe friends with romaine but not romaine, sliced.
-> one FAT CUCUMBER, sliced.
-> 2 cans of cannellini beans
-> 2 cans (maybe 4 cans, depending on the size of can) of sliced black olives.
-> whatever is left in the bag of chopped walnuts you bought almost a year ago to make a different salad, thrown in at the last minute.
-> toss in dressing, be really careful about mixing in the beans and be frustrated when they end up on the bottom of the salad, anyway

I realize in retrospect that this salad desperately needs feta cheese and small tomatos of any variety, if you have those I would add them.